June 30, 2019
I feel that my ability to write is better than my ability to speak. And heaven knows I can occasionally be long-winded in writing. I’m a good listener and do alright vocally when I am asking questions and responding to others, but I wish I could speak the words I want to and have them come out better for my video’s. I feel that I have all this knowledge in my brain that I’ve learned through the years, but the memory recall has been a little slow on the uptake. I always hear..” you seem to talk just fine to me”, because they don’t know the thoughts that my brain was TRYING to say. I am pretty sure I have a form of Auditory processing disorder. It’s one of the things I am currently working on energetically now. Maybe you will be able to observe my progress along with your journey. But for now, please bear with my lengthy posts. Maybe you won’t even notice…Because you can’t hear the thoughts speeding along in my head and grasp what it was I was really trying to say. Writing is my out, but the world is going the way of video. So I’ll do my best to attempt both.
Today in church, Our Bishop pulled everyone together for a much-needed discussion on support for depression/anxiety, and mental illness. I must say, I believe that the “old stigma” is no longer a stigma. More and more I am hearing validation for mental illness and the reality of the struggle with depression and chemical imbalances. I’m excited to see that shame is being brought to light and more education is revealing the reality of chronic suffering. I am seeing and hearing people speak up, not only those who suffer, but those who are empathetic towards others and want to help. Having suffered for years myself…It put me in memory of those painful times. I wanted so much to speak up and offer an hour-long speech about how there are answers! It was such a deep feeling to hear and remember and yet I wasn’t triggered.
I did do a lot of reflecting during the meeting. And I wanted to say so much, but I knew if I started I would go on for an hour and not be able to touch the surface. And what most people want isn’t a solution, it’s validation. I want so much to “pull out the nail” as in the viral video about the couple discussing the nail in the woman’s head. Because to me, it’s so clear how to remove the pain!! And yet so many people need to talk and need to just be heard. I want to listen and love, as though I have this sense of motherly protection for the whole world. I can’t put out the thought that I want to fix it all! But I realize it isn’t for me to fix everyone. It doesn’t stop me from wanting to try. I will still attempt to reach a few.
I went through trauma from different kinds of abuse. Any of you who have seen my video or read my webpage know at least that much. I haven’t been sure of telling the full story yet because I don’t want this to be about me. I want it to be about me understanding you. I remember the pain of not knowing how to get out when I was held against my will. Being in an abusive situation, beaten and locked up to the point that I wanted to die. I LONGED to die! I know that “will to die” energy like others have experienced. I know guilt and shame and loneliness and grief. I know what betrayal feels like, and the loss of my closest partner. I could write chapters of horror stories of abuse.
I have been reluctant to share my story about all the trauma that happened. I don’t want pity or to have anyone to feel sorry for me. But I wanted to tell you enough to understand that I was in a REALLY dark place and by the Grace of God, I found something that helped me move on. It literally took the edge off the painful memories and worked for me. It continues to work for me, and because it took away nightmares and panic attacks, and terrors from triggers, and the ability to see stuff, smell stuff, and face memories without curling up in a ball all of the time anymore…that is SIGNIFICANT for me! I don’t see my pain the way I once did. I have to share this with as many people as I can! And I now know how to pull the best from life and feel pure untainted joy and bask in the abundance of the moment, not because I am wealthy, but because I finally understand what it means to be and feel abundant!
A lot of people say that “Not everything works for everyone”. With a lot of things, that may be true. But I still have yet to find someone that the emotion code doesn’t work for. Everyone has trapped emotions, and everyone struggles with some aspect of life balance. I realize that one session is not going to remove a lifetime of pain, sadness, trauma, fear, and all those 60 emotions on the chart that you feel and trap at some point in your life. It takes a lot of sessions and searching. It’s not going to go all away at once. Even removing your heartwall will get you part way if you have had a lot of pain in your life. And I just don’t believe for a minute that there is any one thing that will cure you of every problem you have ever had in a half an hour, or even the space of 12 weeks, as in the case of my ultimate abundance package.
I wanted to validate the reality of Depression and anxiety, in all its levels of extremity. And in all your emotional distress. I have talked to hundreds of people, both clients and friends who came to me to tell me their story. I don’t think anyone in this world gets out of having to go through some kind of trauma in their life. Everyone gets rejected, hurt, mistreated, and has to face some kind of loss. We came here to feel it all. It’s just not a simple process to find happiness, but it is very possible. I’ve seen enough to
Life is about opposition. So what else is new? I think we all pretty much have that down by now. But sometimes the reality of what that means doesn’t sink in. Especially the good part. For many of us, we are so used to attracting the crap, that the good just seems washed out and we don’t recognize it for what it is. But for those of us who have overcome that vast ocean of gloom, Joy is in the little moments that take your breathe away. The sunset after a rainstorm, the smile on toddlers face when they see a pretty butterfly. That blushing warmth when you realize a person you like…likes you back. The opportunity to sit in a comfortable chair and relax without fear that someone is going to beat the tar out of you for sitting and resting. (That’s one that I happened to experience…Probably not one that most people will experience.)
Gratitude comes easy when your freedom has been restored in the most extreme way. And yet, freedom… doesn’t come until you find a reason to be grateful for what you already have.
We are only human. And though I believe in the time told cliche of we are not humans having a spiritual experience,. but spiritual beings having a human experience, I realize that we as spirits took on a big whopping shock when we came here to this earth. I believe that we chose experiences to go through before we got here, and that we got geared up, anticipating the moment we would finally take our turn at this final test and many of us were excited, many were reluctant, and some may even have been downright terrified. And we came, we got blinders put over our memories of our divine nature and who we really are. And we just didn’t know that life could hurt this much. And besides the fact that our own life hurts, our own relatives and caregivers were less than kind, but we also had to have inherited trapped emotions recorded into our physical DNA from generations back! Add that to the last 10 decades of use of pesticides, genetically modified foods and toxic preservatives and it’s no wonder the last several generations have been increasing in number and severity of mental disorders and identity disorders, substance abuse, and lack of purpose!
I want you all to know, I am here for you. I have had a dream of helping and uplifting others since probably before I was born. I have this great love for people that I hope to share. I look at people and see them for their potential and who they are as spirit beings of light in a way that they can’t see in themselves and can’t remember being. I look at the lowliest homeless man and see a being so bright beyond description, that you would all be shocked at the glory they once had…and will again take on when their mission is done!
I hope that you understand that we are on this earth to learn to be vulnerable and to find our faith and reconnect with who we were. We were given (and chose) a bunch of challenges with the charge to overcome them or wallow…whichever we choose. Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Mental illness, Physical pain, Relationship pain, Financial pain, and forgiveness, these are all just another one of those things that we have to master. It doesn’t come instantaneously. Though I have discovered that at least with item by item, as trapped emotions are released…These can heal one-by-one…instantaneously. Until one day, we are healed. Maybe we won’t ever reach perfection in this life, or whatever image of perfection you think is that ideal dream in your mind. One day, My belief is that Christ will do that for us. Only he can take it all away at once with one Swipe! We humans can chip at it progressively and even in bigger chunks on occasion through faith and methodology. And Dr. Bradley Nelson’s discovery is just one of the fastest and most accurate methods I have discovered. But it can get us to a higher place for now, until that great Day, when every knee shall bend, every head will bow, and every tongue confesses, the greatest healer of them all, Our Savior Jesus Christ is our savior and redeemer and heals us all in that instant.
You may not believe as I do, And I respect you for your traditions. I find that ALL religions have truth and are inspired by God. I have studied many of them and hope to continue to learn from their wisdom and inspired teachers. I am so grateful that we are diverse and have the agency to follow our own heart in regards to spirituality. But one thing that the majority of us can agree on…even those who do not believe in one true God, feel the sense of a higher power or even “universe” as they say. We are connected, and we are here to help lift each other up. It is my job to be a warrior against the darkness, and a light to those who are in the dark. I’ll walk with you out of your dark places if you ware willing to work with me.